Sleep Kadaj
by Leopardheart-Naux-Kadaj
Summary: Kadaj survived but at the cost of insomnia, nightmares and thinking Cloud doesn't love him. Cloud helps him to sleep. Brotherly affection.


**Just Sleep Kadaj**

_Author's Note: This is like, my first drabble that hid in the corner of my filing cabinet for 5vr and I just had several other things I've been working on (my first Avengers fic, other Final Fantasy things, poetry, school) Now I'm here to give it to my readers if they exist omg I totally just fell away and abandoned I'm sorry gosh I'm terrible moving on to the fic._

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Cloud had grown to accept two things: Kadaj was insane, and that he was an insomniac. Kadaj had a difficult time falling asleep, curled up in bed, muttering to himself. The subject of such incoherent ramblings of the mad youth varied to his "brothers", Mother and him - Sephiroth, although the name was never directly stated. Cloud wasn't sure what caused him to do this - PTSD, mental defect such as schizophrenia, or what but it worried him. A pang shot through his gut when he saw the silver-haired Remnant passed out at the kitchen table or on the bathroom floor and various places. Despite their former animosity, Cloud would gently wake him before the nightmares would begin and lead the groggy Kadaj back to his room.

Tonight Cloud came home late from delivering supplies for Shin-Ra, chucking his goggles onto the table. He headed to his room, which was just down the hall from Kadaj's. Kadaj was muttering again - the same old thing, a pattern of sorts, but still tonight was different. Kadaj was talking about Cloud, which was unusual. Cloud paused outside the door and listened.

"Everyone loves Nii-san, even I love him. Nii-san loves all of them too, I can tell, except he doesn't love me. But of course, right?" Kadaj's voice wavered in a masochistic chuckle, when he laughed about something a normal person would consider painful to their heart. "To think he'd ever forgive me for following Mother. To think...he'd love me too. Nii-san is all I've got left now, and he doesn't even want me. Nii-san is but a hero, that's why he saved me! It was just by the Lifestream's rejection of me that I still exist."

Cloud cringed from his side of the door, hearing Kadaj talk like that.

"Even if I had... I would still be nothing but a Remnant to him. Nothing but a remnant of him the one Mother prefers. I know Nii-san sees him in me, that's why he hates me." Kadaj chuckled again. "But alas... alas I know that he hates me for my own actions. I bet he thinks that I... hate him too. Nii-san thinks that I hate him, too, I bet. Yeah, after all, we did fight.

"But... I'm sorry now. Not that Nii-san will ever know that... Not like he would even care. Because," -another sad, hollow chuckle- "Nii-san doesn't love me."

Cloud placed one hand on the doorknob before pausing in thought. Did Kadaj really believe Cloud hated him? Cloud hated what he stood for -Sephiroth, Jenova, and all of Cloud's suffering - but that didn't necessarily mean he hated him. Kadaj didn't have a choice in being a Remnant, or being insane. Kadaj didn't get to decide his nightmares. Cloud cared for him, despite his flaws - after all, Cloud was his supposed "big brother" and that's what being a brother was about.

Cloud turned the knob slowly and nudged the door open as quietly as possible. Bathed in silver moonlight from the open window, Kadaj looked ghostly, his pale skin milky white and metallic hair shimmering. Kadaj's cat-like eyes, once lighted with passion and burned with strength, now remained unfocused and dulled despite the reflection of the moon. Kadaj continued to speak to himself as if he didn't even register Cloud's appearance in the room.

"What can I do to make him love me? I'm not good at displaying affection - hehheh, Nii-san isn't either but that's not the point. I love Nii-san - but how do I show him?" Kadaj shook his head, sniffling softly. "It doesn't matter." His tone suddenly changed, harsher, darker. "Nii-san will never love me. I don't know why I'll even bother. It'll be a useless attempt. I'm such a fool..."

Cloud had silently made his way to Kadaj's bedside. Kadaj kept muttering in that mad way of his but it became less and less coherent now as he was falling asleep from exhaustion. Cloud tucked him in, laying him down under the covers and making sure he was warm. Absently, he brushed the youth's silver bangs behind his ear, out of his eyes, the hair slipping through his gloved fingers, feeling so soft and silky. Kadaj finally looked at peace, his lips no longer moving, his eyes closed. Cloud sighed softly, pitying the youth.

Cloud dipped down and kissed Kadaj's cheek. "I... I do care about you, Kadaj. I do love you... I forgive you, it's okay," he whispered softly and added, "Ototo-chan."

Kadaj's lips quirked into a small, slow smile. "Maybe... maybe Nii-san does love me."

Kadaj rolled over onto his side, facing the blond ex-SOLDIER. With a tired hand, he cupped Cloud's face and with some effort and Cloud leaning in, returned the kiss, eyes never opening. He curled up, hand dropping by his face, and sank into the first peaceful sleep since the horribly failed Reunion. Cloud smiled a genuine smile before leaving Kadaj alone.

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**Another Author's Note: I really tried for brotherly affection here but ugh, Cloud/Kadaj is my OTP so it was extremely difficult and god they're a complicated pair, lemme tell you. I just, so many feels with them, and this little ficlet. Thank you to those authors who write them as both couples and brothers, you really inspire me. I'm really sorry if they're OOC, I really tried my best, especially with Kadaj's speech. **

_I'm really surprised my prose even still exists because if you heard me speak god tumblr has just taken over everything like what how do even speech normal anymore 0.0; it's bad._


End file.
